


Gravity Well

by geekmystic



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Canon Age Difference, F/M, Finn/Rose - Freeform, First Time, Frottage, Growing Up Together, Loss of Virginity, Modern AU, brief rey/kaydel, mention of dopheld/rey, tags will change if I update
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-01
Updated: 2019-12-01
Packaged: 2021-02-26 04:21:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21637282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/geekmystic/pseuds/geekmystic
Summary: Rey meets Ben Solo when she is 15 years old and he is 25. Can they resist the pull to each other?
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 20
Kudos: 139





	Gravity Well

**Author's Note:**

> I took some cues from [AttackoftheDarkCurses](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AttackoftheDarkCurses/pseuds/AttackoftheDarkCurses)’ Equilibrium and [Like_A_Dove](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Like_A_Dove/pseuds/Like_A_Dove)’s [We Could Plant a House, We Could Build a Tree](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13319496/chapters/30484254) for this story. Equilibrium is no longer public, but Attack has other amazing works posted. WCPAH is still up for perusal as well as her other awesome works.
> 
> This has been sitting on my laptop for a couple months. This chapter is stand alone. I started this with the idea of exploring Tarot concepts in regards to love and relationships. This chapter is about The Fool. IMO, The Fool can represent first love, young love, losing virginity, telling someone of your feelings for them, deciding to start a romantic relationship. Hence the mentions of Joker cards and Doctor Who. (Amy Pond's journey is a Fool's Journey just like canon Ben and Rey.)
> 
> The next chapter, IF I decide to write it, will about the Magician. For me, that represents using your knowledge to really please your partner. 👀👀👀 Tags will change if I update. It won't always be sunshine and roses for them.

Rey is 15 when she meets the enigmatic Ben Solo. He is 25 years old, a bit grumpy, a bit bossy, but friendly. In her eyes, he is a _man_. No one else compares. Boys occasionally try to flirt with her, but she brushes them off as so many annoying flies. However, if anyone asks her about her feelings toward Ben Solo, she will adamantly proclaim her friendship with him. Rey feels safe with him. Safety, for her, is paramount. It is something she doesn’t have a lot of experience with in life. Love and sex are a distant thought in the teenage girl’s mind when just feeling safe is a luxury.

She has been working for Han Solo, Ben’s father, since she was 14. At first, she is just fetching tools for him and keeping the shop clean. Soon, he is teaching her how to tear apart old cars and rebuild them. When she is 15, Ben starts coming around. He had finished his MBA and found a nice position at a nearby firm. When he has free time, he helps out around the shop. Ben always quizzes her on different types of cars and engineering. Sometimes, she even stumps Ben with her knowledge.

The world of safety Rey built around her comes crashing down when Rey is nearly 17 years old. Han suffers a stroke. He makes it 18 days before succumbing to the damage to his brain. Rey had dreams of taking over the shop after she became a certified mechanic. At 16 years old, she isn’t ready, or legally able, to handle the business. Ben is making more at his job with First Order Consulting than he could ever hope to make running the shop so it isn’t an option for him.

Everything is in flux. The future of the shop is up in the air. Rey’s plans are dashed, and she is out of a job. Han is being put in the ground, the fucking _ground!_ She feels like she is spiraling. It’s the same feeling she gets when she has to switch homes. New rules, new jobs, new expectations, and every time, she’s expected to figure it out on her own

Standing in the backyard of the Solo home during the wake, she feels arms encircle her. Rey recognizes them immediately. Long, strong arms with large, pale hands. It is then, and only then, that she allows herself to cry. The one thing that _isn’t_ shaken, isn’t _taken_ from her, is Ben. Rey wants to hold on and never let go. Twisting herself around in his arms, she returns the hug.

“Let it out, Rey. It’s okay,” he whispers into her hair.

“It’s not real. It’s not real,” she cries into his suit. _Please wake up, Rey! Pinch yourself! Do something!_

“I wish it wasn’t, sweetheart.”

“I’ve never felt so alone,” she moans into his jacket.

“You’re not alone,” he assures her quietly.

Her sobbing dies in her throat. Looking up at him, Rey sees his puffy eyes and the heavy tear tracks lining his face. She feels so stupid then. While Han has been like a father to her, he was Ben’s father too. Reaching up to caress his cheek, she assures Ben, “Neither are you.”

Something like a switch flips inside her heart, like touching a live wire. Rey can’t ever recall hugging Ben this closely or touching his face. It should feel awkward, _too_ intimate, but it isn’t. In fact, it’s the opposite, like two halves of a whole coming together. His face is so close to hers and his eyes don’t seem to know where to land. Ben’s lips are suddenly the most fascinating thing on the planet. Slightly parted, red, plump, and a little wet. Why has she never noticed that before?

As if sensing her fascination, Ben closes the gap, capturing her lips in a kiss, her _first_ kiss. His arms hold her tight against his firm body and his head tilts to avoid the collision of their noses. Her arms tighten their hold as well. Ben slowly licks her lower lip, just getting a taste, begging permission. Rey is all too happy to oblige. Parting her lips, she meets his tongue with hers. She welcomes the warmth of him dancing with her own. For the first time in almost a month, Rey feels _alive_ again. She feels _hope_ again. Ben won’t let her go. It’s the most obvious fact in the universe. _Ben won’t let her go._

The heat and glide of his tongue against hers is doing fluttery _things_ to her belly. Rey is wearing a secondhand black blouse and black skirt and Ben’s pinky and ring finger has found its way underneath her shirt. It’s just two fingers but they feel like licks of fire against her skin. She finds her thighs rubbing together. Pulling Ben close, Rey whimpers and finds something rigid and heated poking her in the belly. Thoughts of friendship are flung far, far away from her mind now.

Ben pulls his mouth away at the sound of her muted whine. Rey’s eyes fly open to find his own in a similar state of shock. “Rey…I…we _can’t_.” He fully breaks away from her, standing far enough that his arms can’t reach her. Rey feels her heart breaking already. “This is…I’m sorry.” He nearly trips over his own feet on his way inside the house, his hands conspicuously covering his groin.

* * *

Rey is fucking _pissed_. It’s been three days since Ben kissed her. She has texted, called, even sent a fucking email. Ben won’t respond. Was it terrible for him? Did she gross him out with her inexperience? What the fuck happened?

She finally gets her answer when he knocks on the door to her guardian’s house. Rey hears Victor Plutt answer the door, thinking it’s one of his drinking buddies. However, the voice of the man on the other side is all too familiar to Rey. She holds back at first, wanting to reflect his actions back at him. The pull is too strong though. She’s been in his orbit for nearly two years now. Rey will always fall into his gravity well.

“Is Rey here? I need to speak with her.” His voice was polite, but Rey thought she heard a bit of a rattle in his voice.

“Are you a cop or something? You have to tell me if you’re a cop, you know.” Rey rolls her eyes. She knows that’s not true, but nobody tells Plutt he is wrong about _anything_.

Halfway to the door, Rey hears Ben say, “I’m not a cop. I’m a friend of Rey’s.” It may be her imagination, but she thinks he’s emphasized the word _friend_. She feels her heart breaking as she moves closer to the door. _Friends_ don’t kiss each other, let alone like _that_. So why is she near tears when she reaches the door?

“I’ll take it from here. He’s not a cop. He’s a _friend_.” Throwing Ben’s words back at him.

“Fine. Whatever. Don’t bring cops to my house. Period. You got that, child?”

Biting back a slew of curses, Rey gritted out, “Yes, sir.” _Why’d he have to call me a child in front of Ben? This is a fucking nightmare!_

It’s early summer and still a bit cool outside. They walk to the nearby park in silence where they find an empty picnic table and sit across from each other.

Ben can’t quite look at her. He’s wringing his hands in front of him. “I need to apologize for my behavior at the funeral.”

Reaching for one of his hands, Rey assures him, “There’s nothing to apologize for, Ben.” _Please don’t go this way._

He pulls his hand back. “Rey. You’re still 16. It isn’t right.”

“I’ll be 17 on August 28th!” Her birthday is less than three months away.

“That still isn’t old enough, Rey. You know that. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for giving you the impression that there is something more than friendship between us. I was distraught and wanted to feel close to somebody. You pretty much knew my father better than I did. I took advantage and I’m sorry.”

“Friends don’t kiss like that, Ben. _You_ kissed _me_!” Rey hisses, not wanting to scream in public.

His hands slam down on the table. “If I could take it back, I would!” He hissed back. Rey feels like she’s been slapped.

“You’re really going to sit there and tell me that kiss meant nothing?!”

“Rey-“

“No,” she interjects. “Tell me it meant nothing to you! Look me in the eye and tell me it meant _nothing_. If you can do that, we won’t speak of it again.”

To her elation-and dread-Ben covers his face in his hands. “I think we need a break from each other. When’s the last time you hung out with Finn and Rose since Dad became sick? You should be with them, doing high school things. Maybe even go out with someone.”

Tears flow from her face now. “Ben, no, I just lost your dad. I can’t lose you too!”

Ben finally concedes to touch her, taking her hand in his. “I won’t be gone. If you need me, I’ll come running. You _know_ that. I just…this, us, _can’t_ happen. I need you to try, okay? Go out and live your life without my shadow over everything.”  
  
“Ben…” she whimpers.

“Call my mom, okay? She has some things to work out with you. I, uh, need to go.”

“Ben!”

“Bye, Rey.” He lifts her hand to his lips and leaves a featherlight kiss on her knuckle. She watches him walk off into the sunset. For the next fifteen months, Rey holds onto the fact that he couldn’t bring himself to say their kiss meant nothing.

* * *

Leia promises to do whatever she needs to do to make sure Rey graduates high school and becomes a certified mechanic. The shop is dead in the water but that doesn’t mean Rey can’t have a successful career at something she’s good at. The Solos have enough money put away to take care of her tuition and materials, so she’ll graduate debt-free and with her own tools. Leia even offers to pay for housing, but Rey insists on getting a job to pay the rent. The last surprise up Leia’s sleeve is Han’s old Ford Falcon. Han had kept it in pristine condition and now it belongs to Rey.

The last year of high school is utter drudgery. Trade school is just over the horizon and Rey doesn’t think American History really factors into life as a mechanic. However, Rey pushes through, maintaining a 3.5 GPA. She’s no valedictorian but she stands out in her class. Teachers pressure her to re-think her dream of being a mechanic, but Rey doesn’t budge. She probably could be a good engineer or scientist, but she really just wants to get under the hood of a car again.

Rey turns 17 without much fanfare which is fairly typical for being a ward of the state. She hopes to hear from Ben but doesn’t. This year, Leia gives her a birthday card with a small sum of money inside of it. She opens a bank account with it and doesn’t touch it, determined to have enough saved up to put down a deposit and first month’s rent on an apartment when Plutt inevitably kicks her out. Rey works part-time at a diner. It doesn’t pay as much as Han did. Maz is above board in her business which means Rey is paying taxes for the first time in her life.

Finn and Rose prove to be annoying distractions. While Han was sick, they had gotten together. Rey has to watch them kiss, knowing what she experienced with Ben. She’s afraid to ask Rose if kissing Finn feels like coming home. Rey has a feeling she knows the answer. She never tells them about her kiss with Ben.

Senior Prom is another reminder that Rey can’t have what she really wants. Kaydel Connix asks her out and Rey accepts her invitation. Leia helps Rey pick out a dress. She promises to re-pay Leia, but the woman won’t hear of it. Leia explains that she never had a daughter to go dress shopping with. She hopes that one day, she’ll have a daughter-in-law to take with her. Leia adds, “That’s if Ben ever actually talks to a girl.” Rey feels a brief flash of anger. She was _trying_ , just as Ben told her to do, but apparently, he _wasn’t_. Well, she wasn’t going to wait around forever for Ben to make up his mind.

Kaydel kisses Rey during the afterparty. It’s _nice_. They find an empty room and explore each other. Rey loves Kaydel’s feminine curves, her quirky blonde hair, and her laugh. Kay’s tongue is sweet as it glides along hers. She even gives Rey a hickey, and Rey returns the favor. It’s exhilarating, but all Rey can think of is Ben. She wants to kiss Ben, touch Ben, _fuck_ Ben. It’s been nearly a year now and she has only seen him a handful of times. Rey hated to turn Kay away at the last moment, but she didn’t want to hurt her feelings by not being fully present. Kay doesn’t harbor any ill will toward Rey and they remain friends.

* * *

High school graduation comes and goes. She knows Ben was there because she saw him sitting next to his mother on her way to her seat in the auditorium. He gives her a short wave and she waves back uncertainly. It’s the most boring ceremony of her short life.

Leia insists on throwing Rey an 18th birthday party saying, “You only become an adult once!” She rents out the diner for the night. Maz offers to cater for free, saying that Rey has been one of her best employees ever. Their morning is spent moving Rey out of her guardian’s home to a tiny apartment a few miles away. Rey is not blind to Leia’s cringing as they step into the space. She doesn’t care though. It’s hers and she paid for it. She’s going to work her ass off at school, so Leia’s investment doesn’t go to waste.

The diner is packed on a Wednesday night for Rey’s party. Finn and Rose are there, along with Kay. Some of their friends come as well. Leia, and her brother, Luke, are there. Rey doesn’t know Luke all that well but is happy to have more guests. Two of Han’s friends, Chewie and Lando, show up. Rey spends a decent chunk of time shit-talking with them. Leia looks mildly horrified at the language coming out of Rey’s mouth.

It’s maybe an hour and a half later when a final guest arrives. He’s tall and broad, but somehow makes his way in without anybody noticing. Rey, however, notices him right away. He’s wearing a simple, dark red, polo shirt and black slacks. His inky, black hair has grown long since she last seen him a few months ago. In his hand is a small bag. At least, it looks small in his hand. He dutifully sets it on the gift table and stuffs his hands in his pockets. The man stands in the back away from the lively conversations going on around him, content to merely observe. Rey gives him his space.

Soon, the cake is brought out and a stilted chorus of “Happy Birthday” is sung. Rey blows out all 18 candles. It’s a red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting. She has three pieces, all with ice cream. Just as she is beginning to feel sleepy from all the carbs, Leia suggests they open presents. Most people get her cash and gift cards to Wal-mart, Target, and other places. They seem to have gotten the memo that she is in her own place and would need supplies.

As she continues to open gifts, a thought creeps into her mind. Her world feels safe now where it hasn’t felt that way since Han died. It hasn’t felt that way since Ben pulled away from her. She wonders when it will all come crashing down again. Instinctively, she finds Ben in the crowd, as if her brain is always attuned to him. The corner of his mouth is turned up slightly. It’s as much of a smile as he’ll show in public. However, Rey knows his true smile, _and_ his laugh, reserved for people he trusts.

Ben’s gift is the last one brought to her. It _is_ a small bag, but still looks bigger in her hands. Inside the bag is a velvet lined box. Her heart stops. Nobody has bought her jewelry before. Leia had bought her costume jewelry for prom, but this is different. It has weight to it. She opens the box to find a 14-karat gold locket. Slowly, she lifts it from the case. The chain is long, but thin. The locket is a hefty weight on the chain. She opens the locket and immediately starts crying. It’s a picture of her and Han. Rey didn’t even know such a picture existed. Ben must have had it. She almost wants to be mad that he hasn’t shared it with her but realizes that’s exactly what this locket is for.

Leia gasps as she spies the contents of the locket and starts tearing up as well. Luke explains the significance of the pendant to everybody. There are very few dry eyes in the house. Through the haze, Rey can see that Ben is trying to leave through the back door. Without a word, Rey stands and runs past her friends, her _family_ , to catch him. She’s done waiting.

He has his hand on the door handle to his car when she catches up to him. Rey has the locket clasped tightly in her hand. Even though she has only run about thirty feet, Rey is breathless. She holds out the locket to him. “I-I, uh, thought you might want to help me put this on?” He stands there, frozen, for a few seconds, almost as if he can’t believe she is there in front of him. “Ben?” Rey pleads.

The door handle is released, and Rey lets out the breath she was holding. Ben’s hand shakes as he holds his hand out to her. She drops the locket into his palm. Almost inaudibly, he whispers, “Turn around.” Rey complies and turns her back to him. Some tiny voice in her mind tells her that she is not safe to bare her back to anyone, but a much larger voice assures her that it’s Ben, the only one she can fully trust.

Shadows drop down on her in the form of Ben’s arms. The pendant settles just above the cleft of her breasts, right over her heart. His large fingers are fumbling with the enclosure. Rey doesn’t mind because it means he is touching her longer. Each brush of skin is like a spark. Kay never made her feel this way. Dopheld never made her feel this way when they made out in the woods during a party one night. All Ben has to do is touch the tip of his finger to her neck and she is set ablaze. Thank god she lives alone now. She can masturbate freely and be as loud as she wants. Rey briefly thinks of getting a vibrator with some of her birthday money. He whispers in her ear, “Let me see you.”

His command is laced with innuendo, or so Rey thinks. She’s read enough erotica, but somehow doubts that is Ben’s favorite genre. Nevertheless, she turns around to face him once again. One hand falls to her hip as the other reaches up to touch the locket that is centimeters from her breasts. Since it is her birthday, she dressed a little less modestly than normal. Her blue tank top is low cut and bares her midriff. The black shorts she is wearing are low-rise which flatter her hips and show off her legs. She refuses to wear high heels, opting for white sandals instead. Her hair is pulled up in three buns.

Ben gently lifts the locket off her skin and examines the heft of it. “It looks nice.”

She steps just a few inches closer. “Thank you. For the gift. I didn’t know there were any pictures of Han and me together.”

He lets the other hand fall to her hip then. “I was always snapping pictures of you two. There’s a lot more on my laptop at home.”

Rey doesn’t know what to say. Once again, she is alone with Ben Solo, thinking about his father, and thinking about _him_ and his father. She decides it’s time for history to repeat itself. Her arms loop around his neck as she lifts herself up on her toes. Ben meets her halfway, their lips colliding. He swiftly turns her body and pushes her up against the car. Instead of leading with his tongue, Ben drags his lips across her jawline. Rey immediately tilts her head to bare her neck to him. He growls as he pulls the flesh between his teeth. Her thighs are already shaking as blood roars through her veins. She wants more, _desperately_ wants more, so she lifts her thigh to open herself to him. Ben secures her knee in his hand and encourages her to lift the other. Rey’s ankles are locked above his ass.

“Can you get off like this?” Ben is smiling now. His crooked teeth are bright against the dim alleyway lighting.

Matching his mischievous grin, she replies, “I’ve never been more turned on in my life.”

His hips pin her to the car door. “Fuck!” He bites out, trying to keep his voice low. The pressure on her clit is fantastic. Ben sucks the meat of Rey’s neck again, making her lightheaded. She can feel his erection through her shorts and his slacks, whining in relief when he slots against her perfectly. He rocks his hips into hers, finding the blessed angle that catches her clit in just the best way. With one arm, Rey is holding on to Ben for dear life. With the other arm, she is covering her mouth, muting her moans and cries.

“Ben, ben, ben…” She chants his name like a prayer.

“Rey, fuck, Rey… Fucking close, baby.” His voice is feral and strained in her ear. The effect on her is ecstatic. Ben is losing control and it’s because of _her_. Her response is building, and she grinds her pelvis into him as hard and fast as she can. Rey briefly wonders what his cock would feel like inside her…and that’s what sends her over the edge. She has to cover her mouth again to contain her orgasm. Ben bites into her shoulder as he rides out his release, sending aftershocks throughout her body.

Gently, Ben unlocks her ankles and makes sure she is steady on her feet. Hugging her close, he sobs, “I missed you so goddamn much. It was tearing me apart.”

She whispers his name again. “Ben. You have no idea. I tried. I really did. But they weren’t _you_.”

“I couldn’t live with myself if I took advantage of you, baby, kept you from discovering yourself. That’s why I had to go away.”

“And now you’re back,” Rey whispers with awe and relief.

“I’m here, sweetheart. I’m here.” He’s cupping her face now, stroking her cheeks with his thumbs. His smile is gone, replaced with tears.

“What happens now?” Rey asks with a hint of trepidation.

Ben kisses her chastely. “Call me up tomorrow. You can come look at the pictures I have saved. I can print the one in your locket onto photo paper. I, uh, have to go home now. You’ve made a mess of me, little one.”

Rey is a mess herself and lets her hair down in hopes that it’s not _too_ noticeable when she walks back into the diner. She’s surprised no one has come out to check on her. In a strange way, Rey feels like she’s walking back into the diner as a new person.

* * *

They set up a date to meet on Saturday. In the meantime, Rey makes some preparations. She has a feeling that she knows what will happen when she sees Ben again. The images fly fast and free. Rey will be _alone_ with him, in _his_ apartment. She’s never actually been inside but she imagines a nice, but plainly decorated, space. Will they fuck on the couch? Maybe the floor? Or will they take it to the bedroom? Rey can hardly keep her hands off her clit at night. Before anything happens though, she goes to the walk-in clinic and gets an IUD.

Rey drives the Falcon over to his place and walks up to his door. She stares at it for a minute before knocking. All she can think about is Ben, being kissed by Ben, touched by Ben, fucked by Ben. Standing outside his door, everything is in flux again, like the night of Han’s funeral. So many possible futures exist on the other side of this threshold. Ben could, once again, break her heart by taking back everything he said on her birthday. Maybe sex doesn’t come up at all. Or they could have awful sex and it’s forever awkward afterward. Or they could have adequate sex, but the spark dies out later. But maybe, just maybe, her and Ben realize that they are ultimately compatible. There’s no way to know unless Rey knocks on the door, so she does.

Her heart is in her throat when the door finally opens. It about leaves the stratosphere when a shirtless Ben Solo holding a towel around his waist appears on the other side. He’s blushing from the tips of his ears down through his chest. “Sorry, I was still in the shower.” She can hardly process a reply to that, almost wants to run away.

What comes out of her mouth is, “Do you have a cowl or something you can put on?”

Ben simply smiles. “Come in.” And she does.

His apartment is very modern with a lot of greyscale décor and muted colors. She walks into a living space with grey carpet and white walls. Ben has an abstract painting hanging over his black leather couch. The painting is simple. It is a square divided into four blocks. The top two blocks are a dark blue and a dark red. The bottom two are the same colors but switched. Rey wants to think it means something but can’t come up with any sort of narrative.

Walking around the corner is a _still_ -shirtless Ben except he now has sweats on. Rey cocks an eyebrow up at him. His only explanation is that, “It’s a bit warm in here, don’t you think?” Well, she can’t argue with that. “Sit, please.” He gestures to the leather couch beside her and she sits in the middle. In front of her is a glass and metal coffee table with a laptop sitting on it. “This has all my pictures of my dad. The password is Rey Johnson. Capital R and J, underscore between Rey and Johnson, an asterisk for e, and zeroes for o’s”

She mixes it up the first time because she’s in shock that he would use her name as his password but gets it right on the second try. Rey navigates to the pictures folder and opens it. Inside are many more folders. She spies one simply labelled ‘Dad’. Picture after picture of Han Solo inundates her. Rey had almost forgotten what he looked like. They were mostly pictures of him working which is what he would have preferred. There were also plenty of pictures of her and Han working together. She clutched the locket in her fingers as she scrolled through the thumbnails. Lots of pictures of them both with grease stains on their faces and hands. The picture in her locket is of a similar variety, one of their messier days.

The couch dips beside her and she looks over to see Ben peering over her shoulder. His arm comes around her. “What do you think?” He asks.

“It’s amazing. I miss him so fucking much, Ben.” Rey hoped the tears wouldn’t come but here they were. Ben’s arm pulls her into a hug. Her face is buried in Ben’s bare chest and her hands are splayed out on his shoulder and abdomen. She’s never touched so much skin at once.

“I miss him too, babe. I wasn’t a good son when I was younger. I took him for granted.”

Rey looks up at him, moving a hand to cup his face. “Hey, don’t do that to yourself. Be thankful for the time you had.” Ben’s face is blank and he’s staring off into space. His jaw is grinding, and she can almost hear the friction in his teeth. “Ben. Come here.” She sits up on her knees and cradles his head to her chest. The floodgates open. Rey knew that no one had really helped him grieve his father. He had been there for her and his mother, but no one had really stopped to make sure he was okay. “Let it out, Ben. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.”

This despondent man clings to her, crushes her so tight to him that it hurts. Rey doesn’t say anything though. The physical pain is nothing compared to the way her heart aches. She strokes his back, memorizing every striation of muscle as they flinch and contract with his sobs. His hair is continually swept from his face as he lets it all out, nearly 30 years’ worth of hurt. Rey knows that Han and Leia weren’t perfect parents. She had to make peace with that herself.

Somehow, they find themselves wrapped up in each other on the couch. Ben is cradling her to him, back to front, while his back is to the couch. Rey isn’t sure how long they’ve been there, having both fell asleep from emotional exhaustion. She smiles, realizing that Ben is half-naked still. The heat rolling off of him is unbelievable. However, she _does_ need to pee, so she gently tries to extricate herself from his limbs which proves difficult. Even while asleep, Ben is drawn to her; he won’t let go. “Ben. _Ben!_ I need to pee.” He whines in his slumber but loosens his grip.

She realizes that she doesn’t really know where the bathroom is but doesn’t think Ben will mind if she explores on her own. The living room is connected to the kitchen which leads to a hallway. Down the hallway are three doors. The first door she tries is obviously Ben’s bedroom. A rich, masculine smell hits her nose and she almost forgets about her bladder. She wants to roll around in his scent, cover herself in it, but shakes the desire away. The next door she tries is the bathroom. Rey takes care of her business and quickly goes back to check on Ben.

Ben is sitting up on the couch now, hunched over, with his head in his hands. She hurries over to sit next to him once more. “Are you hungry?” He mumbles the question in a fugue state, but Rey hears him.

“Always.”

“Let me order a pizza.”

“Ben, you don’t have to do that.“ She is always hesitant to allow someone to pick up her tab.

“Rey. I want to. I’ll even order cheese sticks and wings.” Her stomach audibly growls at that, making Ben chuckle. He kisses her on the temple and it’s a done deal. Ben closes the laptop that is still open and grabs the tv remote. He pulls up Netflix and hands Rey the remote. “You pick.”

Doctor Who is listed, and Rey immediately goes to series 5, the debut of the Eleventh Doctor. He’s her favorite Doctor, kinda reminds her of Ben a little bit. Her heart keens for the little girl who longs for her parents. Rey never got a reunion with hers. She assumes they’re dead or in prison. They have to pause the episode to answer the door and retrieve their dinner. Ben has put a shirt on to Rey’s Chagrin. The episode ends with a shot of Amy’s wedding dress. Rey wrinkles her nose at that. “What’s the matter, sweetheart?” Ben’s fingers are tangling in her hair.

“She’s running away from her lover. I can’t understand that. If I found love, I would never let them go.” Just as she never wants to let go of Ben.

He sighs and pulls her close. Rey stretches her legs over his lap and nestles into the crook of his arm. “Love is being seen, Rey, and that’s scary as hell for a lot of people, including me. If you hide, or run, you can pretend all the possibilities are still viable. However, when you make a choice, the course is set.”

Rey thinks on that for a second. “It’s like when I have a Joker in my hand when playing cards. While it’s in my hand, it can be anything, but once I put it down, I can’t change it.”

“Exactly, babe. Sometimes we run because we don’t want to play our cards. Eventually, though, the hand is over, and we have to show them.” The metaphor is clear. You don’t want to be caught with a Joker when your life ends. Instead of gaining points for your hand (or your future or legacy), you end up losing those points. It would have been better to play it in a low-scoring hand, than to never play it at all.

A flash of illumination fills her mind, and she asked, “Ben, is that why you came to my birthday party?”

Ben smiles. “Yes. In a way. I stayed away because you were too young. I didn’t want either of us to get hurt. But as your birthday approached, I couldn’t help myself. My very bones ached to be near you. If I stayed away, I could pretend that you’d always be waiting for me. That is, until my mother gave me the same speech that I’m giving you.”

“Wait. What? Leia knows?!” Rey feels horrified that Leia knows _anything_ about her love life.

He grins down at her. “She doesn’t know anything for certain. I think she would skin me alive if she knew I kissed you at the funeral. I still feel bad about that.”

“Why? That when I realized that I-“ Rey stopped herself. Nope. Can’t go there, Rey. Not today.

Sitting up, Ben cups her neck with both hands and gazes into her eyes. His thumbs are stroking her jawline, making her shiver. “Don’t worry. I feel it to. You don’t have to say it right away. I understand.” Her eyes are on his lips again and she finds herself leaning forward to slot her mouth against his. Except he pulls back. Worry writes itself across her face and in her belly. Did she misread the entire conversation?

“Rey, we don’t have to rush. I just want to be clear. You set the pace here. The moment you tell me to stop, I stop. No matter what we’re doing, okay?”

“Okay.” Her head feels light. Rey supposes this is what trust feels like, to know that she can be literally naked in front of him and he wouldn’t dream of hurting her.

“And we don’t have to do _anything_ right now. We can keep watching Doctor Who and eating pizza if that’s what you want. I enjoy every second I have with you.”

As she mulls over their conversation, she realizes that maybe she isn’t as ready as she thought. Rey had wanted to take him to bed to ‘claim’ him, but he is already hers. Ben isn’t going anywhere. He’s made his decision. The course is set. Rey can relax and enjoy her journey with him.

* * *

College was vastly different than high school. Rey takes specialized classes in the automotive department. She’s ecstatic to get under the hood of a car again. When she’s not at school, or working, she’s with Ben. They’ve been official for six weeks now. Not once has he pressured her to take things further. However, there are several repeats of her birthday shenanigans.

When she sees his erect cock for the first time, Rey nearly wants to faint. She can barely get her hand around him. He’s long and thick and _soft_. It’s such an amazing contradiction to her that something can be hard as steel yet feel so supple. It’s another dimension to add to her nighttime fantasies. Watching him cum is almost a spiritual experience. Several times now, she has stroked him to completion. Watching his body curl in on itself, his balls drawing up, and his cock twitching as it pumps spend onto his chest makes her absolutely ravenous. However, she’s a bit too shy to have mouths around genitals. She worries about gagging on him and, vice versa, that he won’t like the taste of her. Rey knows she’ll get there someday.

Ben always reciprocates. At first, he was content to stroke her clit until she cried out his name. Soon, he started exploring her cunt in earnest. Two weeks ago, he was finally able to bring her to a g-spot orgasm. Rey didn’t want to leave the bed at all that weekend. Even if he didn’t reciprocate, just sleeping next to him is a gift from God herself. She hates going back to her apartment to sleep alone.

Fall Break is this week and the school has a five-day weekend. Ben arranged to have those days off work. He had promised a little weekend getaway for them. All the while, re-iterating that he expects _nothing_ in return, sexual or otherwise. However, Rey is ready to burst. They’ve seen each other naked, gotten each other off. Awkward discussions had been made. She disclosed that she had an IUD and is still a virgin. Ben revealed that he hadn’t been with anyone since his dad was sick. He had a couple dates, like she did, that never amounted to more than a kiss goodnight. He’s been checked recently and came out clean. In short, it was _time_.

Tuesday, Ben picked her up after school and they drove up to a cabin at Lake Varykino. It is a gorgeous, hand-built, log cabin with all the amenities. Rey laments that they won’t be able to swim in the frigid water, but Ben promises to bring her back in the summer. They talk as if they’ll be together for years. Throughout the day, they get the house in order and fix dinner. Everything is put away and the bed is made. After they watch a time travel movie on Hulu, Rey stands up and takes Ben’s hand.

“Babe?” Ben looks up at her soulfully before standing up.

“I’m ready.” She takes another deep breath. “I want you. I want you inside me. It’s _all_ I think about.” Rey feels like she’s about to get on her knees and beg. _Please fuck me until I can’t walk anymore, Ben Solo!_

Taking her face in his hands, he kisses her soundly on the mouth. “Are you sure? You know you can change your mind at any time, right?”

A sigh escapes her unwittingly. Rey’s a bit exasperated at this point. She knows he’s only doing it to make sure she feels safe, but the point has been hammered home. Now it’s time for Ben to hammer _her_ , goddammit. “I’m one thousand fucking percent sure, Ben. You’ve been so good to me since my birthday. I can’t imagine doing this with anyone else.”

“Alright, baby, let’s go to bed.” He takes _her_ hand this time and leads her to the bedroom. Once the door is closed, Rey starts taking off her clothes. Her sweater and bra come first as he’s shucking his flannel. Ben looks up to see her bare-chested and he looks like he can’t breathe. It’s not the first time by any means but he always looks drunk on just the sight of her tits. She now knows from experience that his entire hand can engulf one, and that he likes to nip and pluck at them just to see her squirm. Rey has found that she likes that tiny spark of pain. “Baby, baby, baby…” Ben breathes. His palms glide up her goose-fleshed arms, over her shoulders, and settle over her breasts. “Have I told you that you’re fucking perfect?”

“All the time.” Rey reaches for the fly of his jeans. He’s so mesmerized that he hardly notices the denim falling to the ground. She swallows thickly when she sees that he’s already at full mast. “And you know what? You’re perfect too.” Running her hands up his corded chest, she loops them around his neck to pull him down for a kiss. She nearly loses her breath at the feeling of his bare chest against hers. Her tongue sweeps into his mouth, catching the roof of his gums. He groans against her, pulling her ever closer. Rey thinks that one day, they might just disappear into each other.

His hands fiddle with the fly of her jeans and lets them fall to the floor. She gracefully steps out of them and over to the bed. Pulling back the covers, she claims her side, and Ben claims the other. Rey is quick to pull him in for another kiss. Ben is quick to push her back to the mattress. This much is not new to them. She loves the possessiveness of the gesture, as though he’s going to devour her. She also loves the feeling of his cock on her thigh, dripping for her. Tonight, she wants to leave _her_ mark on _him_. Rey angles her head and rears up to catch one of the many prominent veins on his neck between her lips. She gently sucks as she’s felt him do to her many times. He groans in her ear as his hand moves south to cup a breast. As she works, he plucks each nipple in turn. Each twinge causes her to hum into his neck. It’s a grand feedback loop.

Ben traces her ribs with his fingers, going lower and lower. He pulls away from her mouth and Rey relishes the purpling flesh there. His mouth moves to her tits and nips at the underside of one breast. Ben’s hand finally reaches it goal, his fingers easily parting her folds. He lets his fingers dance around her entrance before trailing back to find her clit. Rey moans at the contact. She had been thinking about his fingers and his cock all day and he is finally giving her what she needed. Ben circles her clit, gradually adding pressure until Rey is gripping his shoulders tightly and crying out his name. “I’ll never get tired of you moaning my name, sweetheart.” All Rey can do is lose herself to the rhythm of Ben’s finger over her clit. That is, until he slides his middle finger inside her. It’s still a fairly new sensation for her so she sits up and takes note. She is mesmerized by the way his finger disappears inside her and slides back with a glossy sheen. “Is two okay, baby?” Rey nods eagerly and watches his index and middle finger slide inside her.

The first time he used two fingers, it was a bit of a pinch. She remembers how he didn’t even move them but stroked her clit until she was clenching around the intrusion. Now, he’s stroking her front wall easily. Rey falls back to the bed with a groan. She can _feel_ Ben’s smug grin on her. The pressure builds steadily. Rey is grinding down on his hand. When she is close, Ben removes his hand causing her to whine in frustration. “Relax, babe. I’m going for three. Get you nice and stretched out for me.” The third finger pinches a bit, but it subsides. Ben strokes all three fingers inside her. The pressure on her front wall paired with the fullness of Ben’s three fingers has her crashing hard.

“Ben,” Rey whispered. “I want you to fill me up.”

“Are you sure, baby?”

Rey grasps Ben’s face in both palms. With a sugary sweet smile, she replied, “Ben Solo. If your cock is not inside me in the next five seconds, I will burn this house down with you inside.”

Her exasperating man growled and crawled on top of her. Rey lets her hands glide along his chest, and over his pecs. She yelps when Ben yanks a hand away to pin it above her head. He does the same with the other hand. She can feel the tip of his cock nudging her and she wiggles her hips to find friction with him. “You’re such a good girl for me, baby. What would I do without you?”

“You’d have more money in your pizza budget.” Rey quipped. Ben lowers himself to cover her mouth with his. She revels in the fact that Ben is completely covering her. He is solid, and warm, and secure. With anyone else, she’d be terrified to have her hands pinned, but she loves it when Ben takes control. He licks into her mouth as his hips gently thrust into her. His cock slides along her slit, reminding her of grinding against his car on her birthday.

He pulls away when the tip catches on her entrance. They both gasp at the feeling. “Such a good girl. You can take my cock, can’t you?” His hips are still moving over hers. The head of his cock just barely catching on her channel. Rey nods eagerly. “No, no, sweet girl. Say it. I love hearing your filthy words.”

“I _know_ I can take your cock, sir. I want to try. _Please?!_ ” It’s a strange game they play. Like having her hands pinned, she would never beg anybody for anything. Except she has no problem begging Ben for an orgasm, or his cock in this case. There is no fear of having her desires and needs laughed at or used against her.

“Okay, sweet girl. I’ll give you my cock.” Ben keeps her hands pinned with just one of his. The other reaches down to wrap around his erection. He slowly guides himself inside her. The pinch is more pronounced this time but not unbearable. She watches his mouth fall open as the head slips inside. “Oh, fuck, babe, fuck!” A string of curses leaves his mouth. He rocks his hips to ease himself in more. It’s definitely a tight squeeze. Ben seems to hit a stopping point. “Rey? I, uh, shit!”

“What? Is something wrong?” She looks down and her heart stops to see that Ben is only part-way inside her. “Ben?”

Letting go of her hands, he rests on his elbows, and explains, “I, uh, think it’s your hymen. I’m, uh, going to have to push through.”

“Do it.” His mouth opens to object, but Rey brushes her fingers over his cheek to shush him. “I can handle it, babe. I promise. It’ll get easier from here on out, won’t it?”

“Yeah…yeah.” He gazes into her eyes for a brief moment before confessing, “I love you, Rey.”

Rey’s mouth falls open now. Ben had shown her in every way but saying it. However, it was still a shock and a relief to hear. Rey carefully inhaled and exhaled. “I love you too, Ben. Since you kissed me at your dad’s funeral. Now fill me up.” To accentuate her point, Rey lifted her legs to lock her ankles over his ass.

“God, sweetheart, you’re amazing. Like ripping off a band-aid, okay?” Rey nods. She can feel his whole body tense up over her. Suddenly, his hips snap forward. Rey screams softly, more out of surprise than pain. She feels the tearing and an odd sort of warmth that she guesses is blood. There is a different sort of pinch now that he tore through her maidenhead. “Rey?”

“Just stay still a moment,” Rey whimpers. Ben peppers kisses all over her face, making her giggle. She gives an experimental tilt of her hips, making Ben groan. The pinch and the stretch are still there. She thinks she will probably be sore afterward but nothing traumatizing. “Move, Ben.”

She feels the drag of him as he slowly pulls back and rocks forward. Rey laces her arms underneath his to cling to his back. His pace is slow, like he is studying every inch of her. It takes her breath away. Rey doesn’t exactly feel an orgasm building but the feeling of _Ben_ all over her and now inside her is its own reward. She lets him pump into her several times just to get the feel for _him_. He parts her flesh with ease now and her body is welcoming, like he is coming home. Anticipating his next thrust, Rey rocks her hips up to meet him. The change in angle pushes him into her front wall. Waves of pleasure roll through her body making her gasp and shudder. Ben slips an arm underneath her, holding her ever closer. He is fucking into her in a slow, languid pace. “Faster,” she whines into his ear.

Ben seems all too happy to comply. She lifts her hips to meet him every time. Rey is lost to the rhythm. Every push and pull sending shocks throughout her body. “Touch yourself, Rey. I’m fucking close.” The words permeate through the haze and Rey snakes a hand between their writhing bodies to work the little nub, compounding the quivering in her core. Ben thrusts even faster now. Rey thinks he’s probably _very_ close and speeds up her fingers pulsing around her clit. He’s suddenly growling in her ear and she feels warmth bloom in her belly. His harried breath is on her neck. She concentrates on the still-erect cock inside her, savoring the fullness she feels as she works her clit. Her body shudders violently as her orgasm overtakes her. Ben whimpers as her cunt clenches and milks his overly sensitive member.

She wakes up the next morning completely entangled in him. There’s a twinge of pain in her core as she thought there would be. The sheets are ruined but Ben assures her that it’s alright, that he’ll replace them. The image of blood and cum stained sheets is burned into her brain. Seeing their bodily fluids mixed together, Rey feels bound to Ben in a way she never thought she would.

Over the next three days, they learn each other’s bodies in a whole new way. Every surface in the cabin has been christened. Rey lost count of the orgasms she had after the second day.


End file.
